A word that liberates

“Then Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack” He said to him, “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”” (Mark 10:21). This was the word that accompanied me from the beginning of the long journey that brought me into the Society of Jesus and that now helps me grow in it.

A desire for “great things”

I was born in Vicenza in 1984 to a Catholic family, but not a particularly practicing one. Since childhood I have had a great desire for relationships and to do “great things” for myself and others, driven by much reading (many novels and history books) and a vivid imagination. However, these great desires clashed with my real personality as a shy and insecure child.

A strong experience in solitude

Around the age of 12, during a period of great solitude, I had my first powerful experience of God’s presence, praying to him with all my heart and feeling what I would learn to call “spiritual consolation”. The discovery was shattering. Almost immediately I thought, To such a God I can only offer my whole self, my whole life. Why not become a priest?

Resistance from my parents

Thus began a long journey of discovering God, myself, and others. My imagination began to run again: I avidly read the lives of many saints, I fell in love with religious life, and especially with St. Francis of Assisi. This is it I said to myself, I will become a Franciscan! I made a serious effort during my last year of high school, but I encountered resistance from my parents and, above all, from a life in which, beyond dreams, service to others and to the poorest was still only a pious intention.

University studies, work

I then “fell back” to the study of law in Padua, as I indulged in a certain interest already present in politics. I found the study of law rather dry and uninspiring, while I immersed myself in the university life of Padua, gradually overcoming my shyness and getting involved in various fronts, from the FUCI (where I absorbed a civic passion and a desire to engage in political education) to the service of the homeless with the Community of St. Egidio.

The desire for religious life accompanied me like background music, but once again it seemed far removed from the reality of my life, which in the last years of college developed towards the search for a profession and was finally touched by the love of a girl. On the verge of graduation, I had a crisis: do I keep my childhood dream of becoming a religious, or do I “accept reality”? Almost out of a sense of duty, I leaned toward the latter: I broke contact with the brothers, graduated, started practicing law, obtained a doctorate in criminal law, and started a loving relationship. I tried to think about my life in a different way. On the outside everything was fine, but inside I felt inexplicably disappointed, hurt, abandoned.

Meeting the Jesuits

During this time, I met with the Jesuits at the Antonianum Centre in Padua. I was deeply touched by the way of prayer they proposed, to speak to God “as a friend to a friend”. I began to feel free to speak to Him in a truly sincere way, that is, at that moment, to “give Him a piece of my mind” for giving me those dreams and then abandoning me to failure. The struggle culminated during a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, led by a diocesan priest familiar with Ignatian spirituality. There, the unthinkable happened: to my anger and disappointment, God responded with his loving gaze, telling me: “Cesare, you are free, I will be with you whatever you choose”. Such a word of liberation exploded in me like a bomb: I realized that I really wanted to experience a journey of religious life and that I can do it. A Jesuit happened to be on the pilgrimage: I confessed everything to him, I asked him many questions, and I understood that there is something in Ignatian spirituality and in the life of the Jesuits that responds to this deep desire I have felt for so long.

Discernment, The Spiritual Exercises in daily life and formation within the Society

I began a journey of discernment between Padua and Bologna, experienced the Spiritual Exercises in Daily Life, and finally made my decision: I left my practice, doctorate and girlfriend, and entered the novitiate in Genoa at the age of 26, in 2010.

A new phase began, in which I deeply understood that “leaving everything” is not a single choice, but a call and a way of life. The years of formation in Genoa, then in Padua and Rome for the study of philosophy were intense, beautiful, challenging: I made strong friendships and was confronted more and more with my temptation to be self-centred, and I was constantly “pushed out” towards others (especially the poorest), called to imitate more and more the way of seeing, listening and acting of Jesus. I carried out my Regency at the Gonzaga Institute in Palermo, experimenting in teaching and becoming more and more passionate about the social and political formation of the youngest: I felt how the love of God and of others can only lead to the love of the world and of society. I studied theology for four years in Manila, Philippines. I experienced how God is embodied in the most diverse cultures and experiences, and how to seek Him and find Him outside my comfort zone.

Ordination and mission

I was ordained priest in Rome in 2021 and sent to Milan. I began to work in the publishing office of the monthly magazine Aggiornamenti Sociali and to study for a Master’s degree in Political Science at the State University. As part of my mission at the publishing office, I found the opportunity to accompany others (especially young people) in discovering their vocation to civil and political service, to participate in activities with young people in Villapizzone, and to spiritually accompany people of different ages and backgrounds.

After fifteen years in the Society, I feel much gratitude as I review the steps that led me here and that have taken me to places I never imagined or dreamed of. In the midst of so many changes, and looking to the future, I still feel under that gaze of love that first touched me and that still invites me to discover every day what it means for me to “sell everything and give to the poor,” and all the freshness of that “follow me” that I now know will continue to accompany me throughout my life.